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I got a call the other day – bit of an emergency, the nice man said. They being ‘Microsoft’ apparently – I had problem with my computer that needed urgently fixing. Was I sitting near my computer?

‘Which one?’ I asked. ‘I’ve got seventeen.’

‘Your laptop,’ he said.

‘I’ve got eight of those. Which one.’

‘Your HP laptop,’ he said.

‘I’ve got three of those too.’

He was getting a bit unsettled but he kept to the script. ‘Is it next to you now?’


‘Well here’s what to do…’

‘…it’s broken,’ I said.

‘What’s wrong with it?’ he asked.

‘I thought that’s what you were going to tell me?’

‘Have you got one that’s working?’

‘Yes. Does it need to be an HP?’

‘Is it working?’

‘If I can find a power cable. Can you hold on a bit while I find it?’


Time passed.

I returned to the phone after making a cup of tea. Laughing, I said, ‘Look pal, you’re game, and I’m enjoying your scam, but it aint…’


The purrrrrrrrrr of the dial tone.


I’d had three similar calls in four days. That was the last one.



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