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Pig

I’ve got a one-eyed bull terrier called Pig. He’s got the run of the place.

But when I’m working away, owning a dog can be a bind, so I’m always on the lookout for Pig-sitters.

I was seeing this girl for a while, Angel, and she made friends with my dog. So now, even though we’ve fallen out as lovers, or friends, I can ring her and say, ‘Hey, I’ve got to go away for a week, and I know that it’s a big thing to ask, but could you pop into my place now and again to feed my dog and check up that he hasn’t eaten the spare bedroom or anything …’

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She usually says, ‘That’s fine. I’d love to,’ or something along those lines.

My dog likes it too, because she walks him at least twice a day and feeds him bigger meals. She buys him new toys. When I get home he’ll be all game to see me, he’ll weigh about four pounds more than when I left and there’ll be a little note from Angel pinned to the inside of the door.

I usually send her a bottle of wine or something …

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