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Monthly Archives: March 2010

coming up for air

Just wrote another couple of chapters of Grendel.

Picked up my Citroen today too. It’s huge. And blue. Sort of miss my little VW though.


Going to take a couple of weeks off blogging in order to spend some time doing actual writing, rather than just writing about writing.

I’ll probably be back online round about Easter.


She slept now, breast rising and falling, even and slow, eyes flickering beneath their lids. He whispered her name, but she didn’t stir.

Brushing strands of hair from her eyes, he kissed her soft cheek and then rose quietly from their bed. He pulled on his dressing gown. Barefoot he left the room and walked across the hall to the room where his pen and paper lay on his table, waiting for him. He closed the door behind him, found the lamp, switched it on, pulled out the chair and sat down.

He picked up the pen and wrote:

Me waes Deor noma


Was expecting a few emails tonight but they didn’t materialise so, instead, I’m going out for a half hour’s walk. Did three miles this afternoon too.

If I’m to walk a hundred peaks with Wilson, I need to be in training.

Thing is, I’ve decided that everything that happens to me is good.
And that’s the truth of it.


At my little table, working on the NHS job, while watching a documentary about dogs, and it’s all good. Starlight has left the room in feline disgust.

This NHS thing, it seems that most of what I’m doing is layout. That’s fine though because I know nothing about the business of health, so I can only use what they give me on that score. I’m not adding anything. All I have to do is set it out in a colour-coded sequence, add some blurry images of ‘blues n twos’ and maybe the odd shot of someone in scrubs or a smiling biddy being pushed in a wheelchair, and then give it back for an initial viewing.

I’ve got so much stuff on at the moment, but I don’t really mind.

It’s ironic really, me doing all this stuff, because when I was at school, they wouldn’t let me take art or any of the design subjects, and my English teacher wouldn’t even put me in for the exam because he reckoned I’d embarrass him.

I didn’t go to uni either. Not at first. Not until some years after leaving school, when I decided to learn some stuff, and enrolled myself on a couple of part time courses. Ended up with a Masters Degree.

So here I am designing booklets for government departments, and answering emails from readers of my short stories as far apart as Germany, America, Australia and Singapore.

Educational failure?


May the Fourth Be With You

Was reading an article this morning on the new series of Doctor Who, and I saw that the new Doctor has an all-new new Sonic Screwdriver, and I thought, they’ll probably get them in the model shop down at the mall soon, so I’ll keep a lookout and buy one for Ernie, cos he’s mad for Doctor Who and it’s his birthday in May, which is only a few weeks away.

Then I thought, No, I can’t buy him one. He’s gone.

Sometimes, things sneak up on me, a stitch frays, and I forget for a moment.


Every weekend, I go to the same cafe, at about the same time, drink a couple of lattes, read a book, write in my diary, write lists, watch people.

Friends turn up to chat

I like it that way.

keeping the faith

Oh, and as well as being an optimist, I’m patient. I can wait forever.

In truth, I expect nothing.

But I’ve got faith.
Don’t know why.
Just do.

However, on a different note, the weekend is approaching, I have no work to do over the weekend, and a bottle or two of red wine is heading my way.

(And I aint waiting for that.)


Haven’t added to Grendel yet, ‘cos I keep thinking about Babe Walker. I want to say ‘what’s your problem?’

I know what happened in his life, I know the damage that was done, but I’m not sure why it hurt him so badly, or why it caused him to do such bad things. I keep thinking, many people have suffered far worse than you, Babe, so why did you got so far wrong?

Until I know the answer, I can’t continue. But the answer is coming, I know.

free will

I was born optimistic, and it’s something I’ve had to fight against ever since.

I don’t mind it, really, having a positive outlook on life, but it totally screws up my relationship with the world – my operating system is at odds with most people’s and they get defensive, and a bit suspicious of my generally positive attitude.

Some people think I’m cocky, but I’m just hopeful.

The other thing is, I don’t really ever want to influence other people; I’m happy letting them do whatever they want. I don’t want to leave my footprint in the wet cement of anyone’s life. I’m very much of a live-and-let-live sort of person, to the point that I don’t mind, don’t really care, what people choose to do.

They’re grown-ups, they can choose for themselves, and if by some chance I disagree with their behaviour, I’ll act accordingly.

But I’m not going to try and stop them.

Conversely, I don’t want other people influencing me, or persuading me, or forcing their values on me, or trying to make me behave in a way that doesn’t work for me.

But the bastards do, at every turn.